


Where the Mind is Without Fear and the Head is Held High

by celt_the_flame_3110



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Biting, Blow Jobs, Boys Kissing, Come Swallowing, Coming Untouched, Cuddling & Snuggling, Deepthroating, Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Consent, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time Blow Jobs, Fix-It, Fluff and Smut, French Kissing, He's not present but he's alive, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Kissing, Laughter, Laughter During Sex, Light Angst, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Mentioned Sonia Kaspbrak, Naked Cuddling, Napping, Neck Kissing, Nightmares, Porn With Plot, Post-Coital Cuddling, Post-IT Chapter Two (2019), Power Bottom Eddie Kaspbrak, Praise Kink, Richie Tozier Has a Hair-Pulling Kink, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Service Top Richie Tozier, Sleeping Together, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, Stanley Uris Lives, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Wordcount: 5.000-10.000, also
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:54:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23425837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celt_the_flame_3110/pseuds/celt_the_flame_3110
Summary: The one thing that Eddie was never willing to try was oral, regardless of whether he’d be on the giving or receiving end. Especially not the receiving end. Richie didn’t seem to mind but Eddie still felt bad, since Richie talked about both giving and receiving blowjobs in college. Eddie knew he was depriving Richie of something presumably enjoyable.Eddie hated that, after all of this time, he was still scared of it. Even after researching how to do it safely and talking to Richie about it, the thought of someone’s mouth around his dick made him want to vomit.OREddie is so scared of blowjobs that he has nightmares about it. Eddie wants Richie to give him one, so he can finally face his fear.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 16
Kudos: 189





	Where the Mind is Without Fear and the Head is Held High

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wrote some smut. 
> 
> I'm SO glad that my mother doesn't know I have an account on here...
> 
> The warnings are in the tags. I think I tagged everything. If there's something I missed, or something that needs a warning in the notes, please let me know. I always try to provide warnings but sometimes I forget certain things.
> 
> The title comes from a line in the poem ["Where The Mind Is Without Fear" by Rabindranath Tagore](https://allpoetry.com/where-the-mind-is-without-fear)
> 
> I don't think I have anything else to say. Enjoy!

Eddie jerked upright, hyperventilating. He reached to the nightstand for his inhaler but he forgot that he didn’t use it anymore. He tried to steady his breathing so as to not wake his boyfriend. Unfortunately, Richie is a light sleeper when Eddie’s in distress and he sat up almost immediately before turning on the lamp that sat on one of the nightstands.

Richie reached towards Eddie but stopped himself. “Eddie, can I touch you?”

Eddie managed a nod and Richie cupped his face in his big hands. “You’re alright, sweetie. You’re alright. Come on, take a breath in.”

Richie inhaled, slow and deep, trying to give Eddie a guide to follow. He just shook his head, still gasping for air.

Richie exhaled just as slowly. “Hey, you can do it. Trust me, you’ve got this. Come on, breathe in.”

Richie inhaled again. Eddie tried to follow his lead this time with a short, quick inhale of his own. Richie exhaled and Eddie tried his best to replicate it. 

Eventually, after inhaling and exhaling together a few times, Eddie was breathing normally again. Richie stopped when he knew Eddie had it under control and gave him a small smile. Tears started streaming down Eddie’s face before he could stop them.

Richie’s smile faded. “Do you need a hug?”

Eddie nodded.

Richie enfolded him in his strong arms and Eddie buried his face in his boyfriend’s neck, crying.

Eddie always felt safe and secure in his lover’s embrace, especially after one of his nightmares. He would let himself break down and Richie would just hold him in his arms until he was able to function again.

Eddie had talked to Richie about these nightmares before. They had variations but they typically went the same way. When they started, Eddie was a kid again and was standing outside of the house on Neibolt Street. Before he could leave the area as quickly as possible, Pennywise would arrive. Except It was in leper form, rather than the clown form It favored. 

Then the leper, in a croaky voice, would utter the dreaded phrase. “Hey, kid. I’ll blow you for a quarter.”

Eddie, unable to speak or think clearly, would start slowly backing away. The leper would offer to blow Eddie for a dime and, finally, for free. That was when Eddie would turn and run in the opposite direction, his heart pounding in his chest.

Then he would wake up and sob in Richie’s arms.

The person to blame for these nightmares was his fucking mother.

Sonia would periodically rant and rave about “the dangers of sodomy” to her son in an attempt to discourage him from being gay. She would spread false information about STDs to her son and about how dirty it was to have anal and oral sex. This instilled the fear of having any sex  _ period _ into Eddie for years of his life.

Eddie’s sex drive throughout high school, college, and his marriage was nonexistent. He never dated anyone in school, since the one person he ever wanted to date was erased from his memory. Myra didn’t mind not having sex and never pushed the issue.

After fighting Pennywise and divorcing Myra, he started dating Richie. After moving in together, Eddie realized that he  _ did _ want to have sex. He just wanted to have sex with one person in particular.

Eddie had a conversation with him about all of his fears and Richie, being the amazing boyfriend he is, was patient and totally understanding. They did research together on the risks associated with gay sex and the steps they could take to prevent said risks. 

At first, they just mutually mastrubated. Eventually, they worked their way up to jerking each other off. Having Richie’s hands on him for the first time felt  _ amazing. _ Even though Eddie wasn’t as experienced when it came to sex, Richie enjoyed it just as much as he did. About a month ago, after getting tested and thoroughly preparing, they tried anal for the first time. Eddie was sure that there weren’t any words in the english language that could describe how good it felt.

The one thing that Eddie was  _ never _ willing to try was oral, regardless of whether he’d be on the giving or receiving end.  _ Especially _ not the receiving end. Richie didn’t seem to mind but Eddie still felt bad, since Richie talked about both giving and receiving blowjobs in college. Eddie  _ knew _ he was depriving Richie of something presumably enjoyable.

Eddie hated that, after all of this time, he was still scared of it. Even after researching how to do it safely and talking to Richie about it, the thought of someone’s mouth around his dick made him want to vomit.

Richie stroked Eddie’s hair until his sobs finally subsided.

Eddie pulled back and saw Richie’s soft smile. “Better?”

Eddie nodded, blinking any remaining tears out of his eyes.

Richie gently kissed Eddie’s forehead. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Eddie shook his head, trying to hide the shudder that wracked his body.

Richie gave him a reassuring smile. “Okay, that’s fine. Do you want me to make you some tea? It’ll probably calm your nerves.”

Eddie nodded and managed to say, “I don’t wanna be alone, though.”

“Okay, you can come with me.” Richie put his glasses on before slowly picking Eddie up.

Eddie wrapped his legs around Richie’s waist and Richie carried him to the kitchen.

When they got there, Richie sat Eddie down on the countertop before searching the cabinets for teabags.

Eddie yawned. “What time is it?”

Richie started filling the kettle with water. “The alarm clock said three AM.”

Eddie tilted his head. “Aren’t you tired?”

Richie sat the kettle on the stovetop and shrugged.

After Richie turned the heat on, Eddie reached for him. Richie went to stand in front of him and they embraced.

“I’m sorry that I keep waking you up like this.” Eddie murmured.

Richie kissed the tip of Eddie’s nose. “Don’t apologize. I don’t want you to go through this alone. Besides, you wake up at two AM when I have nightmares.”

“But that’s different.”

“How is it different?”

Richie had talked to Eddie about his own nightmares before.

In Richie’s nightmares, he would be down in Its lair. Richie would see the moment Eddie was impaled in the chest. Only this time, instead of carrying Eddie out of the cavern and calling an ambulance, Eddie would  _ actually _ die.

Richie would always jolt awake and wake Eddie up, wanting to make sure he was alive. It usually took a while for Eddie to finally calm Richie down. He would eventually have to lift his shirt so Richie could see and touch the scar that marred his chest, tangible evidence that Eddie survived the fatal injury.

Eddie sighed. “Because your nightmares are based on rational fears that are  _ awfully _ close to something that  _ actually _ happened. Mine are based on irrational fears due to misinformation spread to me by my homophobic mother.”

“It doesn’t matter whether you see it as rational or not. If it scares you  _ this _ badly, I wanna help you as much as I can.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “It still makes me feel like a moron. Like, who the fuck is scared of getting a  _ blowjob?” _

“Eds, you’re not the only one that has an odd fear. When we were kids, was my fear of clowns rational?”

Eddie blinked. “Um… yeah?”

“I meant  _ before _ Pennywise. Was it rational  _ then?” _

“I mean… clowns are creepy. So, yeah. Kind of.”

Richie let out an exasperated groan. “I’m trying to make a point, Eds. Mike’s scared of birds. Is  _ that _ a rational fear?”

“I mean… have you even  _ seen _ ‘The Birds?’ That’s some spooky shit.”

“That’s fictitious, though.”

“Well, if you look at statistics-”

Richie groaned. “Eddie…”

“What?”

“My point is, your fear doesn’t make you a moron. Whether it’s rational or not is irrelevant. Your mom drilled this shit into your brain for  _ years. _ It’s not surprising that it had a lasting effect on you. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Okay?”

Eddie let out a deep sigh. “Okay.”

Richie hugged Eddie more firmly and pressed wet, open mouthed kisses all over his face. 

This sent Eddie into a giggling fit. “Rich, stop! That’s fucking  _ gross.” _

He tried pushing Richie off of him but was laughing too hard to do it successfully. Besides, he didn’t think it was  _ that _ gross and he wouldn’t have minded it if Richie kept going.

“I can’t help it, Eds. You’re so fucking cute.”

_ “Fuck you.” _

Eddie couldn’t put any heat into his words. He was smiling too wide and giggling too much. Richie gazed at Eddie lovingly, until he realized the water was ready.

Richie let go and took the kettle off of the stove, causing Eddie to make a frustrated noise and reach towards him.

“Give me a minute. I just need to pour this.”

Richie poured water into both of the mugs and sat the kettle back down. Eddie kept his arms extended until Richie went to him.

Richie held his arms out. “Come on, let’s go sit on the couch.”

Eddie wrapped his arms around Richie’s neck and his legs around his waist.

After grabbing the mugs, Richie carried him to the couch. They sat there for half an hour, sipping their tea and talking. Eddie stayed perched on Richie’s lap the entire time and kept his arms firmly wrapped around his neck. This made it harder to drink his tea but it was a sacrifice he was willing to make.

Usually, Richie was the one who wanted physical contact. Anytime these nightmares happened,  _ Eddie _ became the clingy one. Thankfully, Richie didn’t seem to mind and he never teased him about it.

When their mugs were empty, Richie glanced at the clock and chuckled.

“What?” Eddie asked.

“It’s gonna be four twenty in a few minutes. I should text Stan.”

“Richie,  _ do not. _ He’ll be pissed if you wake him up at this hour and he won’t even know what it means.”

Richie let out a dramatic sigh. “Fine. I’ll just wait until four twenty  _ PM.” _

Eddie rolled his eyes and then yawned.

“You ready to head back to bed?” Richie asked.

Eddie nodded.

Richie sat the mugs on the coffee table, probably deciding to clean them up later, and made sure he had a good grip on Eddie before standing up. Richie carried him back to their bed and layed Eddie down before climbing into bed himself.

Once Richie was situated, Eddie climbed on top of him and rested his cheek on his chest. Richie ran a hand through Eddie’s hair and reached over to turn the lamp on.

“Wait.” Eddie blurted.

Richie studied him with inquisitive eyes.

“Um… I’m sorry, but can we  _ please _ leave it on?”

Eddie was straight-up  _ embarrassed _ to ask this. He was a forty-year-old, grown-ass man and he was afraid of being in the dark like he was five or some shit.

Richie drew his hand back from the lamp and secured Eddie in his arms. “Yeah, we can leave it on.”

Eddie was  _ so _ grateful that Richie didn’t seem to mind. He wanted to express his gratitude verbally but, since Richie started lightly scratching Eddie’s head, he let out a big yawn instead.

Richie smiled way too fondly and gave Eddie a soft kiss on the mouth. “Try to get some sleep, sweetie.”

“Okay, I’ll try. Goodnight, Chee.”

Richie pressed another gentle kiss to Eddie’s temple and continued playing with his hair until he drifted off to sleep again.

***

Normally, Eddie would only have nightmares once every two or three weeks. Frequent, yes. But not frequent enough to pose a serious problem.

However this time, when Eddie jerked awake at two AM, it was the fourth nightmare he had  _ that week. _

Richie, of course, woke up soon after Eddie did and helped him calm down.

Eddie was currently sitting on the kitchen counter and staring at the floor while they were waiting for the water to heat up.

“Eds.”

Eddie glanced up. “What?”

“What’s on your mind?” Richie asked.

Richie had always been an expert at reading Eddie. He could usually tell what emotions he was feeling based on facial expressions and body language alone.

Eddie sighed. “I’m getting sick of this shit.”

Richie glanced at the mugs. “Sick of what? The  Chamomile? Do you want a different kind?”

Eddie snorted. “Not the tea, dumbass.”

Richie’s lips curved upward into a small smile. “What, then?”

Eddie’s laughter stopped abruptly. “The nightmares.”

Richie’s smile faded. “Yeah, I bet you are. I wish there was something I could do to make them go away.”

The two of them both saw separate therapists regularly. While they couldn’t be honest about the whole killer alien clown from space thing, they  _ could _ talk about their issues and fears. Eddie had discussed his nightmares with his therapist. Eddie has tried exercises in therapy, doing more independent research, and anything else he could think of.  _ Nothing _ has worked to fend off the nightmares that plagued him.

After considering this for a moment, Eddie realized there was one thing in particular he hadn't tried.

Eddie met Richie’s gaze and said, “Richie, I need you to blow me.”

Richie blinked. “I’m sorry… what?”

“I need you to give me a blowjob.”

Richie eyed him warily. “Eds… are you  _ sure _ that’s a good idea?”

Eddie glared. “You’ve never treated me like I was made of glass  _ before. _ Why are you doing it  _ now?” _

Richie held his hands up in a surrendering gesture. “I’m not. Eddie, trust me, I wouldn’t dream of treating you with kid gloves. It’s just… you’ve been struggling with these nightmares for a  _ long time _ and they seem intense as  _ fuck. _ I don’t want to try to help you and accidentally make it worse than it already is.”

Eddie’s expression softened. “Chee, this is the fourth fucking time I’ve woken us up in the middle of the night. I’m convinced that it  _ can’t _ get any worse than it already is. I’ve tried everything and  _ nothing _ has worked.” He shrugged. “I mean, one way to conquer your fear is to face it… right?”

Richie gazed at Eddie with something akin to awe in his eyes and he smiled. “Right. Okay, if you’re  _ positive _ you want to do it.”

Eddie nodded. “I’m a hundred percent positive.”

“Okay, cool. Just let me know when you decide on a date or whatev-”

“Today.”

Richie just stared.

Eddie held his gaze. “Today, after I get home from work. If that’s okay with  _ you.” _

Richie nodded. “Yeah… Yeah, that’s fine.”

Eddie smiled, taking one of Richie’s hands in both of his. Richie smiled back, kissing each of Eddie’s knuckles individually.

***

When Eddie got home that afternoon, he saw Richie sitting on the couch and reading a book.

Eddie sat his briefcase down and slid his shoes off before walking over to Richie.

“Hey, Eduardo,” Richie greeted, still staring at the pages. “Do you wanna order some dinner? I figured you might be hungry after-”

Eddie snatched the book from Richie’s hands and shut it before sitting it on the coffee table.

Richie glanced at the book and then at Eddie. “You could’ve put the bookmark in first.”

Eddie sat on Richie’s lap, straddling his hips. “I’m home from work, hot stuff.”

Richie swallowed, his cheeks turning pink. “Y-yep, you sure are…”

Eddie gave Richie a seductive smile. “Take me to bed.”

Richie, not needing to be told twice, secured his arms before standing and carrying Eddie to their room. Richie turned down the duvet before laying Eddie down on the bed. Richie kicked his shoes and socks off before climbing on top of Eddie and pulling him into a kiss. 

Eddie’s eyes fluttered shut at the feel of Richie’s soft lips against his, but they opened again when the gravity of the situation hit him.

Richie was going to but his  _ mouth _ around Eddie’s  _ dick. _

His pulse picked up speed but not for the desired reason. Richie must’ve felt it because he stopped kissing. He gently caressed the side of Eddie’s face, the same side that the knife wound scar was on.

“Hey, you okay?”

Eddie took a second to catch his breath before answering. “Yeah.”

“We can stop if you want to.”

At seeing Richie’s concerned eyes, Eddie looked past him at the ceiling.

Eddie shook his head. “No. I wanna do this. Not just to get over my fear. I’ve wanted to do this for a while. I’m  _ dying _ to know what it feels like. I… I just need you to work with me and take it slow. Okay?"

When Eddie made eye contact with Richie, he was met with a loving, reassuring smile. “Okay. Just… let me know if you wanna stop. I don’t wanna accidentally hurt you.”

All of his life, Eddie always associated a blowjob with Pennywise in leper form. He always assumed it was going to be gross and that he would get some kind of disease or infection. He always thought it was going to hurt and that he was going to  _ hate _ it.

Then he realized that  _ Richie _ was going to be the one to do it, the same man who  _ loved _ Eddie with his entire being. Richie would  _ never _ hurt him, even by accident. Richie wasn’t dirty or gross, even if Pennywise tried to convince him that he was. He was going to be gentle, careful, and Eddie was convinced he would try his best to make this as enjoyable as possible.

Eddie smiled, feeling like he could weep with how much love he had for the man on top of him. “Yeah, I’ll let you know.”

Richie pressed a few kisses to Eddie’s cheeks and forehead. While he kissed him, Richie reached down and undid the tie around Eddie’s neck with deft fingers. Richie started kissing Eddie’s neck as he slipped his suit jacket off. Eddie tilted his head to give Richie better access and lifted off of the bed slightly so Richie could get the jacket off.

Richie tossed the tie and jacket over his shoulder. He started undoing Eddie’s dress shirt, one button at a time. Richie started nibbling at his neck and clavicle as he went, causing Eddie to sigh.

Before Eddie knew it, Richie had already cast the shirt aside and was now slipping his belt off. Before Richie could unbutton his slacks, Eddie grabbed his hands to still them.

“Don’t you think it’s time to even the playing field?” Eddie asked, tugging at the sleeve of Richie’s button-up.

Richie swallowed, his cheeks turning pink. “But Eddie,  _ I’m _ the top.”

Eddie scoffed, starting to unbutton Richie’s shirt. “Bold of you to assume you’re  _ ever _ in charge. Even when you’re on top.”

Eddie could feel Richie start to get hard against the inside of his thigh. Eddie smirked, tossing the ugly hawiian shirt to the side. Upon seeing Richie’s gorgeous body, Eddie started getting half hard himself.

Richie unbuttoned Eddie’s slacks and, when he wasn’t stopped, he pulled them and his boxers off in one swift motion.

Eddie raised an eyebrow. “Eager much?”

Richie laughed, starting to slip his own pants off. “Says the man who  _ literally _ climbed into my fucking lap.”

Eddie didn’t say anything as Richie undressed himself the rest of the way.

When no other articles of clothing separated them, Eddie pulled Richie down into a heated kiss.

Eddie buried a hand into Richie’s hair and slotted a leg in between Richie’s thighs. Richie groaned into Eddie’s mouth and pressed his tongue against his lips. Eddie parted his lips willingly, letting out a pleased sound of his own as their tongues slid against each other.

Eddie, of course, loved kissing Richie. Whether it was a deep kiss on the mouth or a quick peck on the cheek, Eddie  _ loved _ feeling Richie’s lips. French kissing, however, was a whole other thing. Eddie wasn’t entirely sure if Richie was really good at it or if he was just so attracted to him that  _ anything _ they did together felt euphoric. Eddie decided not to question it anymore and just enjoy it.

Richie withdrew his tongue and broke the kiss. Before Eddie could complain, Richie started kissing down the side of his neck. Eddie angled his head to the side as Richie bit his neck lightly. He didn’t bite hard enough to leave a mark, since Eddie couldn’t have any visible hickeys when he went to work, but he bit hard enough to elicit soft gasps from Eddie.

Before it could get too hot and heavy, Richie blew a raspberry into Eddie’s neck. Eddie giggled and tried to shove him away, but Richie didn’t move until he was done.

When he pulled away, Richie’s face broke out into an adorable, goofy grin.

Eddie was still giggling, even though the tickling sensation was gone. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Richie was still smiling like the dumbass he is. “Do you want me to write you a list?”

After a minute, Eddie was finally able to calm down but was still trying to get any lingering laughter out of his system. “Just get my dick in your mouth, for fuck’s sake.”

Richie gave Eddie a quick peck on the forehead. “Alright, alight. I’m getting there.”

Richie slid down Eddie’s body to where this face was level with his chest. Richie pressed several gentle kisses to the scar there, causing Eddie’s heart to swell.

This was something that Richie always did before they had sex. Eddie was  _ very _ insecure about the scar when he first took his shirt off. He was worried about how Richie would react. He was scared that Richie would make fun of him, cringe in disgust, or tell him to put his shirt back on. Thankfully, these fears were irrational because Richie just kissed the scar until Eddie was a blushing, smiling mess.

When Richie deemed the area sufficiently kissed, he shifted down further and ran his hands across Eddie’s toned abdomen.

Richie glared down at it.

“What?” Eddie asked.

“It’s unfair that you’re fucking  _ ripped. _ You’re too old to look this hot.”

Eddie scoffed and rolled his eyes, even though the comment made him feel warm inside.

“Suck my dick.” Eddie snarked.

Richie grinned, making eye contact with him. “Yeah, that’s kind of the idea.”

Eddie sighed. “Okay, I kind of walked into that one.”

Richie moved down the length of Eddie’s body to where he was positioned between his legs. He placed one big hand on each of Eddie’s thighs, starting to press kisses to both of them.

_ This _ was something new.

Since Eddie (until this very moment) had a  _ hard _ limit on blowjobs, Richie’s face didn’t go anywhere  _ near _ Eddie’s legs. So Richie kissing the insides of Eddie’s thighs was an entirely new experience that felt really nice.

“Damn, your fucking legs…” Richie practically purred.

“You like ‘em?”

“You  _ know _ I do.”

Richie bit the inside of Eddie’s thigh and lightly sucked on the skin.

Eddie gasped at the sudden pleasurable pain. He tangled a hand in Richie’s hair and pulled slightly, knowing that this drove him crazy. Richie made a noise deep in the back of his throat and sucked harder.

When Richie pulled away a moment later, Eddie could see a red mark where his mouth had been.

Richie glanced up at Eddie. “You ready?”

Eddie was about to nod, but then noticed something. “Are you gonna take my socks off first?”

Richie looked behind himself at Eddie’s feet and then laughed, probably just realizing they were still on.

Richie looked back at Eddie and smiled. “But, Eds… It’s not gay if you keep them on.”

Eddie glared but he felt his annoyed facade crumbling as it gave way to a half-smile. “Stop being a fucking idiot.”

Richie chuckled, reaching back to remove Eddie’s socks and tossed them to the floor.

“Ready now?” Richie asked, fully serious.

Eddie nodded.

After a moment of hesitation, Richie gave the head of Eddie’s cock a tentative lick.

Eddie let out a surprised sound at the sensation.

Any fears Eddie had before seemed silly now. The fact that Richie barely lapped at his cock, instead of immediately attempting to deepthroat him, showed how careful he was trying to be. Richie had the utmost regard for Eddie’s physical and mental wellbeing. On top of that, the warmth of Richie’s tongue licking him felt  _ heavenly. _ Eddie couldn’t even begin to imagine how it would feel to have Richie’s entire mouth wrapped around him.

Unfortunately, Richie interpreted the noise Eddie made as one of distress and he didn’t go any further.

“Are you okay?” Richie asked.

“Chee, I  _ promise _ I’ll tell you if I wanna stop. Just…  _ please _ keep going.”

Eddie hated how fucking  _ desperate _ he sounded and he was sure he would be angry with himself later. Right now, though, Eddie didn’t care what came out of his mouth, as long as it meant Richie would continue what he was previously doing.

When Richie looked into Eddie’s eyes and saw how much he wanted it, he stroked Eddie’s thigh. “Okay, baby.”

Richie turned his attention back to where it was needed and licked a firm stripe from the base to the tip. At the groan that escaped Eddie’s lips, Richie  _ finally _ sealed his lips around Eddie’s cock and started taking the length of it into his mouth. 

The feeling of Richie’s mouth, warm and wet, around his dick felt fucking  _ perfect. _ On top of that, seeing Richie’s big, brown eyes gazing up at him through his lashes was hot as  _ hell. _

“Fuck, Richie!” Even though Eddie uttered the phrase with such intensity, it came out breathy and weak.

Now, Eddie expected Richie to only take half of his dick into his mouth and use one of his hands on the rest of it. It’s not that Eddie was  _ hung _ or anything, but dicks are big and the mouth can only hold so much.

Oh, he was  _ so _ wrong.

Once Richie saw how much Eddie was enjoying this, he slid down and took more of him into his mouth until his lips were practically touching his balls. Richie  _ had _ to be using his throat too. There was  _ no way, _ despite how much he used it, that his mouth was  _ that _ big.

When Eddie noticed that Richie was rock hard himself, and that he wasn’t using his hands to take care of it, he wanted to provide some form of stimulation. Eddie tangled a hand into Richie’s hair and pulled, causing Richie to groan. The vibrations made Eddie jerk and squeeze his eyes shut.

Richie stilled his movements, not pulling off, and Eddie opened his eyes. He saw Richie gazing up at him with a questioning expression. Eddie could practically hear him asking,  _ Is this okay? Should I stop or keep going? _

Once Eddie caught his breath, he gritted out, “Keep going, Rich. It feels  _ so fucking good.” _

Eddie punctuated his statement with the hardest tug he could manage (which wasn’t very hard, Richie’s mouth was rendering him powerless) to Richie’s curls.

Richie let out a harsh breath through his nose before sliding back until just the tip of Eddie’s cock was in his mouth. Seconds later, he quickly sunk all the way back down. Richie continued bobbing his head up and down, quickly turning Eddie into a panting, worked up mess.

They drifted into silence as Richie kept sucking and Eddie continued to pull. Richie was normally the loud one during sex and he, obviously, couldn’t really speak at the moment. Even though he couldn’t think straight and speaking seemed  _ impossible _ when he was in this state, Eddie decided to try to provide Richie some encouragement.

“Richie… you’re doing such a good job.”

Eddie could hear Richie’s breath hitch.

Eddie offered Richie the sweetest smile he could. “Keep doing what you’re doing. It feels  _ amazing.” _

Richie let out a soft moan at the praise and kept going. He reached up with one large hand and gingerly cupped Eddie’s balls.

Eddie let out a moan of his own and exercised any willpower he had to keep still from the waist down, he didn’t want to trigger Richie’s gag reflex.

“Richie, Rich. Stop.”

Richie kept his hand in place but pulled his mouth off of Eddie’s cock, a long string of spit connecting the two.

“What? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Richie asked, his voice raspy and  _ wrecked. _

“I’m gonna come.” Eddie grunted.

Richie seemed  _ much _ less panicked now. “Oh, okay”

Instead of finishing him off by hand, Richie took Eddie’s dick into his mouth again. It only took a little more sucking and Richie to roll his balls in his hand for Eddie to come with a shout. Richie, instead of pulling off and spitting it out, swallowed it. 

He  _ swallowed _ Eddie’s come.

Normally, Eddie would find shit like that  _ disgusting. _ For some unfathomable reason, he didn’t find it gross in the slightest. He found it  _ incredibly _ sexy and, if he hadn’t just come, he probably would've from seeing that  _ alone. _

Eddie took deep, heaving breaths and Richie carefully pulled off, taking care of how sensitive he was.

Once Eddie caught his breath he smiled up at Richie, who was now sitting on his knees above him.

“How was it?” Richie asked, giving Eddie a smile of his own.

Eddie wasn’t sure how to respond. Heavenly, ethereal, and incredible were all words that would’ve come to mind if he was thinking clearly. Since Eddie felt like Richie just sucked his brain out through his dick, he couldn’t think of anything more eloquent to say.

All Eddie could come up with was, “Good.”

Richie leaned down and kissed Eddie’s jawline. “Good. Not as scary as your nightmares?”

Eddie shook his head. “Not even  _ close. _ Wait…”

“What?”

“I just realized that you never got off. Do you want me to do you now? I probably won't do as good of a job as you did, since I don't have any experience, but I’m willing to give it a try.”

Richie’s smile faded and he looked slightly bashful. “Um… that won’t be necessary, Eds.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “Chee… I fucking told you that I’m not made of glass. I was more scared of being on the  _ receiving _ end. Being on the giving end didn’t scare me as badly.”

“No, that’s not it. Look.”

Richie pointed to the sheets between Eddie’s legs. 

Eddie glanced down and saw come on the sheets, which didn’t make any sense. Richie swallowed  _ everything. _ Then, when Eddie saw how flaccid Richie’s dick was, it hit him.

Eddie gaped. “You  _ came _ from sucking me off?”

Richie sighed. “Yeah…”

When Eddie didn’t speak, Richie added, “Come on, Eds. Don’t be a jerk. You’re so sexy, how did you  _ expect _ me to-”

Eddie raised a hand to cut Richie off. “Hold on, Rich. I’m not teasing you, I’m just… surprised. That…” Eddie let out a small chuckle. “That’s fucking  _ hot.” _

Eddie could see the self consciousness fade as Richie smiled. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Richie glanced down at the mess and then back at Eddie. “I  _ know _ you probably want me to clean this up, but…”

“But what?”

Eddie could see tears start to form in Richie’s eyes. “I wanna hold you.”

Richie loved cuddling under normal circumstances, but his desire for physical contact was amplified after sex.

Even though Eddie  _ hated _ being dirty, and he knew that lying in Richie’s come would make him that way, he decided to wait until later to clean it up. Richie wanted to curl up next to Eddie now, so he wasn’t going to make him wait. Besides, he was  _ exhausted _ from waking up in the middle of the night all week and he was hanging onto consciousness by a thread. He was positive that Richie was tired too, since he always made sure Eddie fell asleep before he did.

Eddie nodded. “Okay, we can clean it up later.”

Richie beamed and lied down next to Eddie, enfolding him in his arms. Eddie wrapped his own arms around Richie and sighed at the feeling of their bare chests pressed together. Richie pressed a kiss to Eddie’s neck before burying his face in it. Eddie started dragging a hand through Richie’s hair, skimming his nails along his scalp. Richie sighed into his neck and the sudden burst of air caused Eddie to shiver.

“Cold?” Richie murmured.

“I always am.”

Even though Richie ran hot, providing Eddie with  _ some _ warmth, there were still parts of his skin that were uncovered and chilly.

Richie reached down and grabbed the duvet before draping it over both of them. Eddie sighed in contentment at the warmth now enveloping him, still scratching Richie’s head. Richie drew Eddie closer, pressing kisses to his face and neck.

Eddie yawned. “I don’t think I can stay awake much longer.”

Richie laughed. “That’s alright. I don’t think I can either.”

There was a long pause and Eddie thought Richie was asleep, until he mumbled, “Eds.”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

Eddie smiled. “I love you too.”

***

When they woke up a few hours later, they were both  _ starving. _ Eddie made Richie clean the sheets and brush his teeth, while Eddie ordered Chinese. They both hopped into the shower together while they waited for it to be ready.

After their food was delivered, they sat on the floor of their living room and ate together. Richie was now wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants (with  _ no boxers _ Eddie might add.) Eddie was wearing one of Richie’s sweatshirts and a pair of his running shorts (in retaliation for Richie  _ going commando. _ Fucking hell…)

When Eddie and Richie saw that there were fortune cookies in the bag, they sat the unopened cookies on the other side of the room.

Eddie was eating his food with a fork from their kitchen and  _ Richie _ was the one actually using chopsticks.

“How the fuck do you know how to use those, again?” Eddie asked.

Richie had to finish chewing his noodles before responding. “I told you, Spaghetti. When you’re single, it’s  _ way _ cheaper to order food than to get groceries. So I ate  _ a lot _ of takeout. Thus, I’ve had a lot of practice.”

Eddie sat his fork and small, white box down before making eye contact with Richie. “We need to talk about something.”

Richie’s eyes went wide. “About what?”

Eddie laughed. “Sorry, poor choice of words. It’s not bad, I swear.”

Richie’s shoulders relaxed. “Okay. What is it?”

“I meant what I said, earlier. I should probably talk to you about it now, rather than while in a post-orgasm haze. I want you to know that I’m serious.”

“About…?”

“I wanna blow you. Not today or anything. But sometime in the near future.”

Richie almost dropped his own container and sat it down on the floor before he could. “Really?”

Eddie nodded. “Yeah, definitely.”

Richie swallowed and nodded. “Okay, I’d like that. Just let me know when. There’s no rush on when we do it. It could be a few weeks from now or-”

“Tomorrow.”

Richie blinked. “What?”

“Tomorrow, when I get home from work. I mean, you should be ready by then. Your refractory period isn’t  _ that _ long. Is it?”

Richie laughed. “Fuck you, fellow middle-aged man!”

Eddie chuckled and flipped Richie the bird.

The two of them ate in comfortable silence, periodically snatching bites of each other’s food.

When they were finished, they argued over who had to get rid of the fortune cookies. Richie wanted to arm wrestle to determine who had to do it, which Eddie refused. They decided on rock, paper, scissors. Eddie had to throw the cookies away and then hastily take the garbage bag to the curb.

They both went to bed soon after eating, since a three hour nap wasn’t sufficient to compensate for how much sleep they’d lost that week.

Eddie crawled into bed first and it wasn’t long until Richie was sliding under the covers too, pulling Eddie into his arms and spooning him. Eddie leaned back into the embrace, wrapping both of his arms around the one Richie had slung over his waist.

Richie kissed the crown of Eddie’s head. “I love you, Eds.”

Eddie smiled, kissing the palm of Richie’s hand. “I love you too, Chee.”

Unfortunately, this wouldn’t end the nightmares for good. Eddie still feared disease and infection, even after months of therapy. It would take time, much more time, before Eddie can unlearn the years of conditioning his mother had put him through. Even though Eddie was no longer scared of receiving a blowjob from Richie, the concept of someone contaminated with disease giving him one still  _ terrified _ him.

If those nightmares happen again, Eddie and Richie can deal with them together. For that night, though, the two of them slept soundly and didn’t wake up until after the sun rose.

**Author's Note:**

> So, there was my first attempt at writing smut. I do take constructive criticism but please lower your pitchforks lol.
> 
> I kinda want to write a sequel where Eddie blows Richie, but idk if I should. 
> 
> I'm also not sure if I'm going to write smut that often. I want to but idk. We'll see lol.
> 
> If you have anything that you want me to write about (a specific ship, a prompt, any ideas in particular) you can leave a comment telling me what it is. If you want to remain anonymous or don't want to comment, you can submit an anonymous ask to my Tumblr: [celt-the-flame-3110](https://celt-the-flame-3110.tumblr.com/)
> 
> I don't think I have anything else to say. I hope you have an amazing day!!


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